mariah carey sucks

Hey C’mon Mariah- clean it up!   You know thats not appropriate for the office!

This is a women I really can’t tolerate and she is proof, that yes- you can indeed sell yourself to the devil if you really want to.   Otherwise- how else could she wind up on television.

Anyway- here’s something that will scare you retarded.  I actually met the devil earlier today.  He called me up to say that he was in the area and kindly asked if he could stop by to maybe put a name with a face.  He said- the reason for my phone call- I’m currently working with pitchforkmedia.com, dlisted, perez hIlton and blah blah blah to help them identify sources for blah blah blah, and grow their business through News, Data and Analytics- helping them to overall maintain their competitive advantage in the blogosphere and internet space.  He then asked me if, “that is something that you think you could maybe want to be interested in- does that interest you?  Do you think that is something that you think that you maybe want to get- perhaps involved in?”, he said and then he just miraculously appeared in my office.  Anyway- I gotta say- he’s really not such a bad guy at all.  He really isn’t.    He was impecably dressed and spoke with a sexy british accesnt.  He kind of reminded me of my old boss.  I actually kind of like him.  Hell – I actually liked my boss- until the bastard fired me for no reason.  It actually turns out that the 2 of them are really good friends and have been for over 900 years.  Maybe I can leverage that to get my job back.  Let bigones be bisexual.  Anyway- where was I going with this?  Oh yes- when Lucas showed up.  (that’s the name he goes by now- Lucipher is so antique sounding).  when he showed up- he told me that he got a hold of my google analytics data- and saw that I am getting like a gazillion hits every day- for writing about stupid shit like this.  I’m like- I know- seriously- you need to step it up in Hollywood there Lucas- I only update this shit like once a month.  People are starving for entertainment.  Then I found myself kind of busting his balls in a totally weirdout way- like a happy hour patron  whatevs-  Again he wasnt such a bad guy.  Cut to the chace- like Constantin- Lucas is a bidnissman and certain people owe him money.  Evidently Mariah Carey has been taking years of pergatory off of everyones life- as she has overstayed her purchased stay.  As a result- third parties- that get kicked in the nuts everythime they hear her are rewarded years off of pergatory, because she has overstayed her 15 minutes.

Lucas told me that Mariah is now supposed to be in Hell with Bell, Biv and Devoe, the little bastards in ABC- another bad creation, immature, Kris Kross and Humpty Dumpty.  Never the less- the stupid slut somehow- through her Ricky Bevins (Biv 10) connection blew her way into boys to men- (which on a side note- were last seen, reportedly, at the Kentucky Derby with Nick Lachey.  Nick Lachey, was able to pull out his 98 degree trump card by not only marrying Jessica Simpson, but divorcing her as well- causing her to go manic depressive and prescribed medication- which made her fat- which in turn- sent her whole entire career to Hell.  Boys to men- are in the clear, becasue their frines with Will Smith). Anyway- Mariah has over stayed her 15 minutes.

Lucas called me of all people, because he needed a favor and seeing that I only update this site like once a month or something and I get like 1,000 hits a day regardless- he felt that my readership could pass the following word along.

Alright alright Lucas- enough already!  get the pitchfork out of my ass- I’m ticklesh!  giggle giggle-

Mariah- I just talked to Satan- evidently your 15 minutes are up.  ahh HAWT!!!!

Oh by the way- we won’t miss you, but I’m sure you’ll show up on a half and half milk carton- SKANK!!!!

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