Posts Tagged ‘sucks’

Paper Tongues – Ride To California

I just got an email from some douche bag  by the name of Ben Berkman. Ben  Berkman is a douche bag for two reasons.  The first- he sent me an email with the subject line ‘are you along for the ride?’ by this abomination of a band called paper tonges.  and let me be the first to say that these guys are a bunch of posers.  of course- you can tell by just looking at their press photo.  I mean- seriously a couple of the guys have sunglasses on.  I’ll get to more bashing of them in a second.  But- as people- I will say that I have nothing against them and they are probably all cool guys to hang out with.  Further more- for me to bash or hate on them for their overnight success would make me a hippocrite.  I was in a “put together/ shop to the labels band- all about looks opposed to talent” type situation abut 4 or 5 years ago.  In all fairness to paper tongues- their overnight success runs circles around mine- “in the poser band arena anyway”.

Ok back to the bashing.  Ben Berkman- is a douche for not only sending me this bull shit, but by being a part of the over campaign as well.  In all likelihood- Ben Berkman is either a record executive or the intern at the major that sent me this.  Either way- with a name like Berkman- we can all conclude that Mr. Berkman wasn’t necessarily hawking records out of his trunk, touring or sending a Jamie Widder type report to earn any type of cred whatsoever.  Anyway- the below link which will take you to the actual link of the “new hit song” that many of you will probably actually like is below.

Paper Tongues – Ride To California.

ok.

Iron Mike hamilton

04

11 2009

Hey Mariah- I just talked to Satan and evidently your 15 minutes are up

mariah carey sucks

mariah carey sucks

Hey C’mon Mariah- clean it up!   You know thats not appropriate for the office!

This is a women I really can’t tolerate and she is proof, that yes- you can indeed sell yourself to the devil if you really want to.   Otherwise- how else could she wind up on television.

Anyway- here’s something that will scare you retarded.  I actually met the devil earlier today.  He called me up to say that he was in the area and kindly asked if he could stop by to maybe put a name with a face.  He said- the reason for my phone call- I’m currently working with pitchforkmedia.com, dlisted, perez hIlton and blah blah blah to help them identify sources for blah blah blah, and grow their business through News, Data and Analytics- helping them to overall maintain their competitive advantage in the blogosphere and internet space.  He then asked me if, “that is something that you think you could maybe want to be interested in- does that interest you?  Do you think that is something that you think that you maybe want to get- perhaps involved in?”, he said and then he just miraculously appeared in my office.  Anyway- I gotta say- he’s really not such a bad guy at all.  He really isn’t.    He was impecably dressed and spoke with a sexy british accesnt.  He kind of reminded me of my old boss.  I actually kind of like him.  Hell – I actually liked my boss- until the bastard fired me for no reason.  It actually turns out that the 2 of them are really good friends and have been for over 900 years.  Maybe I can leverage that to get my job back.  Let bigones be bisexual.  Anyway- where was I going with this?  Oh yes- when Lucas showed up.  (that’s the name he goes by now- Lucipher is so antique sounding).  when he showed up- he told me that he got a hold of my google analytics data- and saw that I am getting like a gazillion hits every day- for writing about stupid shit like this.  I’m like- I know- seriously- you need to step it up in Hollywood there Lucas- I only update this shit like once a month.  People are starving for entertainment.  Then I found myself kind of busting his balls in a totally weirdout way- like a happy hour patron  whatevs-  Again he wasnt such a bad guy.  Cut to the chace- like Constantin- Lucas is a bidnissman and certain people owe him money.  Evidently Mariah Carey has been taking years of pergatory off of everyones life- as she has overstayed her purchased stay.  As a result- third parties- that get kicked in the nuts everythime they hear her are rewarded years off of pergatory, because she has overstayed her 15 minutes.

Lucas told me that Mariah is now supposed to be in Hell with Bell, Biv and Devoe, the little bastards in ABC- another bad creation, immature, Kris Kross and Humpty Dumpty.  Never the less- the stupid slut somehow- through her Ricky Bevins (Biv 10) connection blew her way into boys to men- (which on a side note- were last seen, reportedly, at the Kentucky Derby with Nick Lachey.  Nick Lachey, was able to pull out his 98 degree trump card by not only marrying Jessica Simpson, but divorcing her as well- causing her to go manic depressive and prescribed medication- which made her fat- which in turn- sent her whole entire career to Hell.  Boys to men- are in the clear, becasue their frines with Will Smith). Anyway- Mariah has over stayed her 15 minutes.

Lucas called me of all people, because he needed a favor and seeing that I only update this site like once a month or something and I get like 1,000 hits a day regardless- he felt that my readership could pass the following word along.

Alright alright Lucas- enough already!  get the pitchfork out of my ass- I’m ticklesh!  giggle giggle-

Mariah- I just talked to Satan- evidently your 15 minutes are up.  ahh HAWT!!!!

Oh by the way- we won’t miss you, but I’m sure you’ll show up on a half and half milk carton- SKANK!!!!

08

10 2009

ADP Bene-direct Sucks

Since being “let go” from my Sales Position at Bloomberg LP it has been approximately 100 days since I received a letter from ADP Benefit Services regarding the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act of 2009; the letter states that ARRA eligibility would have to be verified and processed before a reduction in the premium would be reflected on the monthly statements; the verification of eligibility should not take this long. Further more, throughout this entire time my healthcare coverage has been continuously terminated- when payment has been received, in advance. As a result of these completely unacceptable, fraudulent and illegal actions this overall situation has been very difficult. Without need to mention the financial drain involved. Further although full payments have been made monthly, ahead of time, for COBRA continuation coverage- the benefits are not nearly up to par to what they were previously provided through my employment at Bloomberg.

Further more- I have ADHD and I have been on medication to treat it for the majority of my life. Simply going off my medicine has very adverse and dangerous effects to my overall physical, mental and emotional health. This requires me to then pay an additional $500.00 out of pocket for my medicine. I have not once been reimbursed for any out of pocket expenses.

Regular monthly payments for the COBRA continuation of coverage commenced in November 2008 in the sum of $447.22 per month; the first monthly payment was made on November 24th, 2008 with additional payments in the amount of $447.22 made on December 15, 2008, January 13,2009 and February 17,2009.

Although all of the payments had been made by mid-month prior to the date they were due, coverage was discontinued without notification- in late February 2009,- which I had to find out the hard way when I was refused a prescription coverage. After investigating the matter- I learned that the monthly premium had been increased to $498.80- but I was never made aware of this. Upon so being advised, and additional payment was made and delivered by Federal Express in the amount of $154.74 on March 3, 2009.

Additional payments were made on March 19th, 2009, in the amount of $498.80 for coverage for the month of April and on April 17, 2009, in the amount of $498.80 for coverage for the month of May 2009. Once again, however, a prescription was refused and upon inquiry I was told that although ADP had received the payment for May in the amount of $498.80 on April 27, 2009, it had not been posted by April, 30, 2009, and there fore coverage was terminated until Mid-May because ADP only posts payments on the 15th and 30th of the month. Obviously, discontinuing healthcare coverage when payment has been received, in advance, is completely unacceptable, fraudulent and illegal.

08

10 2009

Search Engine Exploitation

through state of the art Search Engine Optimization methods & Internet Marketing Services

Our search engine marketing services are well equipped to rival some of the better known Search engine marketing firms as they are fully customizable to meet our own goals and objectives.

keyword Research

In learning about the entities we stick it to- we identify the best possible keywords to target their online marketing campaigns. Intelligent keyword choice is essential for reaching the right audience.

competitive analysis

We take an in-depth look at the competitive marketplace for chosen keywords and we often find many companies competing for a share of the traffic of our keyword- its ridiculous!   Anyway- its important to understand what the competition is doing so we can identify key areas of weakness and other opportunities. Our competitive analysis reports allow us to do this.  If anything- hats off to the competition.

Search Engine Optimization (SEO)

Our search engine optimization services improve the volume and quality of traffic to a web site from search engines via “organic” search results. The organic search results are the ones that pull up in the main body of the search results page. Studies have shown that these organic search listings are clicked on more often than the sponsored search listings–which is why it is so crucial that companies optimize their websites for the best possible placement. Our SEO process is based on over 10 years of research and experience getting our clients‘ sites to the top of the search engines.

Search-Friendly Web Design

Our websites is pretty and it works well with search engines.

Local Search Optimization API

Our local search optimization services help businesses be found by people searching for local businesses. The amount of people searching for local services continues to increase, so the opportunity to get more business from local search is also growing.

Social Media Optimization

We leverage our knowledge and have a major presence and many fans via social networks.

Analytics

Analytics determine which keywords and search engines are driving traffic helping us understand what is working and what isn’t.  We then make adjustments accordingly.

Link Building

High-quality, relevant links pointing to your site. We use various methods to obtain these high quality links to improve rankings in the search engines.

Digg this:

Our writers produce high quality, unique content that spreads the anti message in a way- that does not come off as simply bitching and negative.  We tell the truth- that is simply report facts from the findings of our diligent research in a sophomoric delivery.  Otherwise- who would really read it correct?  Further more- the message is also optimized for the search engine spiders.

Anti Marketing via Blogs

A blog is one of the best ways to produce fresh, unique, search engine friendly content while dramatically increasing awareness of the potential target. We have the experience and results to increase traffic and visibility- effecting those where it hurts- in the pants.

Online Public Relations/Press Release Optimization

All customers and constituents spend their time online, and influencing those people using better, faster and less-expensive anti PR and anti marketing communications. We optimize press releases and communications for the search engines and help spread your message to the people who are interested, to reach a much larger and more targeted audience than traditional anti PR- that is if there is such a thing.

07

10 2009